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Grieving

It's weird the things you remember, isn't it?

Last year on December 19, 2007, I went to work at Ingles after having lost my paternal grandfather exactly a week earlier. It was my parent's 37th wedding anniversary so when I got off at midnight, I picked up a pretty poinsettia arrangement and left it downstairs before heading to bed. I can't for the live for me remember what I did the next morning or afternoon, but that Thursday night, I went to Target to get a Christmas present for my mom and then to eat with my French girls.

I remember racing home to clean my room so that my grandmother would smile and maybe feel a little better since she was at the hospital getting a blood transfusion. Why am I remembering stupid details like that I was watching Waitress as I hung up clothes and my brother called to say that he and I "had to go somewhere". I remember talking to thinkatory before he came to pick me up and thinking that this was it for my Gran. Bryan and I raced to the hospital, and made it there about 11:30 I think. Apparently she'd had a bad reaction to the last bag of blood and was fading fast. Her lungs were filling with fluid and she was on a boatload of morphine.

The picture of her laying there, looking nothing like the Gran that I had loved all of my life still hasn't faded. She fought so hard to keep her eyes open, maybe to stay alive, for my mom and my brother and I. I remember telling her for once I wasn't wearing a tshirt and tennis shoes. Just after midnight on the 21st, she took three deep breaths and was gone. We stayed in her room for maybe 20 minutes afterward, but it felt so weird. We weren't supposed to leave without her. Bryan and I got in his truck to come home and "Hard Candy Christmas" by Dolly Parton was playing. It was almost like Gran was telling me it was okay.

Now everytime I hear that song, I can't help but think of this night. And how my Gran's been gone an entire year now. I thought this was supposed to get easier.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
writerofictions
Dec. 21st, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
It never gets easier. Over time you stop thinking about it every day, but sometimes it will still hit you so hard you can't even think straight. For me it's been seven years, five years, four years, three years, and now two weeks for my uncle.

Never, ever, gets any easier.
raven22
Dec. 22nd, 2008 01:19 am (UTC)
<3333.

gumonyershoe
Dec. 22nd, 2008 06:06 am (UTC)
*hug* I'm sorry. I don't have any other words to help other than I'm here for you.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )