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I don't know why I bother having dreams.

Why facebook stalking is dangerous...

When I was in NYC last month, Liz and I went to see Anything Goes and it was incredible. When we were waiting at the stage door, I told her that watching that show gave me the same feelings I used to get from church and church camp. It literally set me on fire and inspired me for my craft, the same way going to revivals used to put me on fire for God. I used to love feeling like I could take on Hell with a squirt gun and until that show really, I hadn't felt that way in a long time.

Scanning facebook tonight, I stumbled onto pictures of my old friends from church. The girls who were my closest friends weren't in any of the pictures I was looking at, but a sadness came over me. If things had been different, I can't help but wonder if I would be in those pictures. I barely even talk to those people any more and part of me kind of misses them. For years, they were a big part of my life and now, nothing.

We grow up and we grow apart, but it doesn't mean we can't wonder, what if, right?

I don't know why, but here goes...

Friends of mine that I spent most of the last five years with moved away in December. Their house (well, cabin) hasn't sold yet and it's in an out of the way location, so I popped by on Saturday just to check on things and well, I wept like a baby, grieving over the whole situation. But, I also managed to vent it out in writing. I started not to post it, but maybe if I do, it'll help me heal.

Stream of consciousness. Just getting it outCollapse )

It's not very good, but it didn't have to be. I just needed to word vomit and there we go.

Jan. 24th, 2010

So I'm thinking of getting Twitter. Any thoughts?
In non whining news, Nicholas Hoult is in Colin Firth's new movie. Now I definitely must see.
So I realized something today.

Cold weather sucks. (Yes, all you Yankees, I'm just figuring that out. XD)

It hasn't been above freezing here for almost two weeks or so. It snowed Thursday, like barely an inch and almost everything was closed. Except, however, where I work. I was the employee to actually show up at 8 like we're supposed and was the only one there until almost nine. Talk about terrifying.

I even hate the cold so much that this morning I laid all of my clothes and underwear for today under my electric blanket so they'd be warm to put on and dreaded using my bathroom because it and my laundry room are the coldest places in the house. Brrrrrr.

Now off into the less than an inch tundra to venture to work.

Jan. 14th, 2009

Meme! Stolen from like everyone, but questions from thinkatory:

Questions and Answers!Collapse )
Anyone else want questions?
God, I love theatre. We went back into rehearsals for Antigone last week and I'm already having a blast. We're starting blocking rehearsals this week and will finish by Wednesday and I plan to be offbook by then too. The cast is so awesome and the concept is pretty neat, so I can't wait to really work on it. Yesterday we took a promo shot of Antigone to put up on all the posters and I felt sorry for Jenna. She was in a red slinky toga in forty degree weather, but hey, we all suffer for out art, right?

The one thing that I'm really nervous about is the preshow music. We're playing our own out of a "Newgrass" band that we've formed called Swamp Donkey and I'm singing solo on one of the songs. And I'm terrified. We have five more Swamp Donkey rehearsals between now and opening, so I bet you can guess what I'll be doing!

Well, that and moving. Bryan and I almost have our house ready to move over here in the next couple of weeks. We've both painted our rooms, bathrooms, and are working on the hallway, living room and dining room this week. It's not perfectly set up yet, but that's easily taken care of while we're living there. I think I'm mostly excited because I've never had a bed bigger than a twin bed and now I will! I'll probably try to go out there sometime today before rehearsal and try to get some things organized in the WTP props/costume room that we have over there. Mainly because as much as I love and adore props, Bryan and I will probably need the dining room at some point.

And because I haven't announced it here, yay! I'm now officially the Producing Director of WTP. Yeah, I'm still pumped. It's going to be a lot of work, but I can't wait. Theatre's definitely a craft that takes work. Otherwise, why do it? And we have our summer tour show packets out and three places have already contacted us about wanting it! Yes!

Now back to Ismene- I mean, Antigone! :D

Grieving

It's weird the things you remember, isn't it?

Last year on December 19, 2007, I went to work at Ingles after having lost my paternal grandfather exactly a week earlier. It was my parent's 37th wedding anniversary so when I got off at midnight, I picked up a pretty poinsettia arrangement and left it downstairs before heading to bed. I can't for the live for me remember what I did the next morning or afternoon, but that Thursday night, I went to Target to get a Christmas present for my mom and then to eat with my French girls.

I remember racing home to clean my room so that my grandmother would smile and maybe feel a little better since she was at the hospital getting a blood transfusion. Why am I remembering stupid details like that I was watching Waitress as I hung up clothes and my brother called to say that he and I "had to go somewhere". I remember talking to thinkatory before he came to pick me up and thinking that this was it for my Gran. Bryan and I raced to the hospital, and made it there about 11:30 I think. Apparently she'd had a bad reaction to the last bag of blood and was fading fast. Her lungs were filling with fluid and she was on a boatload of morphine.

The picture of her laying there, looking nothing like the Gran that I had loved all of my life still hasn't faded. She fought so hard to keep her eyes open, maybe to stay alive, for my mom and my brother and I. I remember telling her for once I wasn't wearing a tshirt and tennis shoes. Just after midnight on the 21st, she took three deep breaths and was gone. We stayed in her room for maybe 20 minutes afterward, but it felt so weird. We weren't supposed to leave without her. Bryan and I got in his truck to come home and "Hard Candy Christmas" by Dolly Parton was playing. It was almost like Gran was telling me it was okay.

Now everytime I hear that song, I can't help but think of this night. And how my Gran's been gone an entire year now. I thought this was supposed to get easier.
So I've decided that more and more I'm growing up. Today it snowed and instead of being ecstatic like I normally would be, I was really sad. Mainly because I knew that there weren't any classes for me to hope were canceled.

>_> But my dad still drove me to Homewatch so I could drop off my paperwork and beg Thursday off since it's the Silver Stage Christmas show that I directed. I don't want to even think about how mad they would be at me if I couldn't be there. And there's nothing worse than a horde of angry old people, it's true. Luckily the secretary was awesome and let me off. :D I think she said "It's no problem! I'll need a favor someday too!" Which is going to make me feel really guilty the next time she calls with a job I can't work. >_> Oh well!

Holidays being on Thursdays suck by the way. Because who has to work every Thursday unless the client cancels? Me. So I worked Thanksgiving, which means I cleaned his house (which took me about 30-45 minutes) and then sat on my butt and watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Yeah, I got paid to watch tv, but I would have rather been home with my family.

And awesome. I just found out that the girl I've been hoping to move in with and been planning to move in with since August is backing out on me less than a month before we were moving. Fuck. Maybe I'm just jinxed.